So, it's 2:30 a.m.

Whoopi as an elf?!


So, it's 2:30 a.m. and my kid is finally in bed. For real this time. Holy shit.

He comes running out here, hysterical saying, "I'm scared!". I try to get him to talk to me, he's shaking, puts his hand over his mouth and being the concerned mother I am -- I say -- "Are you going to puke?! GET AWAY FROM MY COMPUTER!"

Then he spills it. He says he was laying in bed and put something in his nose. What? A black circle thing. Not a ball. He doesn't know where it came from. He says he doesn't know what it was.

We look in his nose, nothing. He's completely hysterical to the point where he has to go poop (I am sooo not kidding). So he goes to the bathroom. We ask more questions, "Do you know what it was from? Is there another one in your room? Do you know what it is?" My husband is convinced he dreamed it all. I am 100% sure he really did it and is being vague on things because he's freaked out and frankly -- my husband is scary at times like these. My husband was trained in the Army in Intelligence to do interrogations. So, um, yeah. Our son is 7 years old. He's a kid.

My husband makes him sniff pepper just in case he really did put something in his nose. He sneezes, nothing. He says he can't feel it, he was dreaming. (Riiiiiiiiiiigh) He's calmed down... mostly, once he hears that he's not gonna die if he did put it in his nose and it goes into his tummy as it will then come out his butt and he won't even know about it 'cuz it's so small. He knows if it is in his nose, we're heading to the hospital.

He goes to bed. We hear two more sneezes. He comes running out. "I did it." Ok, take him into the bathroom. He's freaking out again. I grab my tweezers tell him to stop freaking out, it won't hurt and I get the stupid thing out of his nose.

So, what was it? You know those little rubber circle things they put on the bottom of some electronics to let them slide around/keep them from scratching/getting scratched up? Um, yeah. It was from his alarm clock. He'd picked it off the bottom. Of course at this point, we don't know this as he's still saying he doesn't know what it is.

Then he goes into his room since he's all relieved it's over with. He runs right over to his bookcase and picks up another of these black things and is all, "Ohhh. Here's another one." At that exact moment I know. I know he was lying all this time. I know that he knew exactly where it came from. I knew he knew he had another one and right where it was. Slowly, since I kept calm and was just asking him about it like it was no real big deal, he told me everything.

My husband is pissed. I mean, PISSED! He has this thing about the kid lying to him.

Now it's over with... now that the kid knows he did so many things wrong tonight:

1) He got out of bed
2) He picked apart a piece of electronics (we don't really care, we were tossing that thing anyway, but still)
3) He put something into his nose
4) He LIED about the whole thing saying he was in bed the whole time, didn't know what it was, didn't have another anywhere, etc.

I did make sure the kid knew he did do two things that were quite good:

1) He came out here after stuffing something into his nose and told me
2) He did (finally) come clean and tell the truth which is always a good thing

His punishment is to determined tomorrow by my husband. I'm sure we'll talk about it tonight, but yeah....

If I didn't already need therapy from seeing Whoopi Goldberg on the Sci-Fi channel tonight wearing a light blue facial mask and elvan ears, for she was, I kid you not, playing an elf -- let me tell you, I'd need it from all of this. Prozac anyone? Valium? Chocolate?


*said Whoopi movie is called Magical Legend of the Leprechauns. Make it a priority that you never see it or are around it. *shudders*