Thursday, April 21, 2005

Crazy old woman!

I'm sorry. I'm probably going to hell for laughing at this but I couldn't help it.

"Grandmother stuck in bathtub for five days / After her rescue, 75-year-old celebrates with Coke and a cigarette"

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I worked with the elderly for years and I realize this isn't funny... but I am totally picturing an old lady who told her whole family to go to hell when they said that, perhaps she ought to consider getting in home help. I mean, who else would ask for a smoke and a Coke after being lifted from a bathtub where they've been sitting for 5 days? Certainly not I!

To make it a little more funny and to make me a little less evil for laughing... this wasn't even the first time she'd been stuck in the tub. Ha. Stubborn woman!

Read all about it here.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Top 17 Reasons Why Today Sucks ~ and some good crap, too

Let the count down begin!

Top 17 reasons why today has totally sucked

1. Having a terrible headache this morning.

2. Not being able to sleep the headache off 'cuz people were pounding on my door non-stop

3. People pounding on my door 'cuz the bathroom ceiling in the apartment under ours caved in

4. I can't stop thinking about falling through my own bathroom floor whilst on the john and or wet, freshly out of the shower

5. My hormones are beyond wonky and my Dr. can't see me until Monday.

6. I just might kill someone before I can see my Dr. on Monday with these hormones raging.

7. I dropped my store card in the check out; picked it up and dropped my ATM card, twice all in a matter of 90 seconds.

8. Between all of this I feel like I'm buzzing and not in a good way... just in that, I might pass out in a moment and god I sure hope I do type of thing

9. My kid, who has been going to a special reading class - brings home a TON of extra homework today. Work that he is supposed to now do at home. Why? Because he's not in class while they do it. What's the point?!

10. People, in general suck and like to take issue with stupid things that don't matter. They need to be shot in the foot to remind them not to be stupid and annoying.

11. putting a Wendy's Jr. Cheeseburger Deluxe in the microwave to nuke it, in its wrapper and it burning, flicking burnt bits and flame around the inside of the microwave and then it shocking me when I went to turn the microwave off. Because um... Wendy's Jr. Cheeseburger Deluxe does not, apparently, come in a microwave safe wrapper. Whaddya know.

12. Having to clean the bathroom tonight because the plumber will be here in the morning.

13. People not doing what they said they would in relation to the Spring Auction Basket we're putting together. The cut off date is Friday (was supposed to be today) and our class basket is completely pathetic. C'mon folks!

14. Snapping at my husband and kid.

15. Not getting to sleep at all... I am running on 3.5 hours of sleep (it's no wonder, huh?)

16. the headache that has come back. It was gone for most of the day but is back with a vengeance.

17. Kiddo's asthma acting up something awful

And some good crap that happened today

1. Kiddo's friends mom took him home with her from school

2. I got a $400 check in the mail (and a pile of work, but the money is nice)

3. The plumber will be here tomorrow morning

4. I do have an appointment for Monday and not for 4 weeks from now which is nice

5. Nutter Butter Peanut Butter Cookies *mmmmm*

6. Wendy's Frosty *delish*

7. My kid is still cute and sweet even if I would have given him away tonight had someone come to the door asking. Tonight he said, "Mom, I still love you no matter what. And I'm not gonna stop." Awww, he loves his bitch of a mom no matter what. Just melts ya, don't it?

8. Nice visit with kiddo's friends mom when I went to pick him up

9. Kiddo not being here this afternoon so I could be alone, not kill anyone and be here for the manager

10. my bed... I love my bed and I actually hope to get to lay in it sometime tonight... by 1 a.m. at least. *sigh*

So, how was your day?

Monday, April 18, 2005

Super Woman has a break down and takes a bath

Yeah, so I know that is Super Girl, not Super Woman. Sue me.

I'm sure like me; you have those days where you are unstoppable. You're getting so much crap done you even impress yourself. You're Wonder Woman, you're Super Woman, you're Super Mom. You're rocking the world and you rule. That was my day. I didn't get everything I needed to get done, done - but I did get a lot of things taken care of.

Shopping (not the fun sort), Post Office, The Kid and his Homework, dinner (an elaborate dish that took a long time to make), strawberry shortcake, dishes (x3), laundry (x4) and work. Yup, I actually did real bonafide work that I get paid for. I got it finished even. Woo for me. Of course, I'm getting another batch on Wednesday but I'll enjoy this while I can.

So I'm completely exhausted. My hormones are a complete and utter mess ~ just F.Y.I. I finally sat my butt down on the couch at 9 p.m. to watch Jack my man on 24. (Yeah, I know his real name is Kiefer, but I love him as Jack and he said it's ok for me to call him that. *snort*)

I lost it; broke-down-can't-deal-with-it broke the hell down. My poor husband, bless him, comes over and just holds me after asking me, "What's wrong?" Me: "I don't know." So, I cry. He holds me. It's a real awww moment for sure.

I'm not a big crier. Like, not at all. But I am ready to drop and if my hormones don't get straightened out soon I may end up committing homicide.

Super Woman needs a bath. Super Woman needs her lovely bed.

this is,
Super Woman - OUT!

Jack Bauer

Advance 'Star Wars' Tickets Selling Out... dern!

Good heavens. My geek status is going down a bit because it hadn't even occurred to me to purchase advance tickets for Star Wars III just yet.

Advance 'Star Wars' Tickets Selling Out

Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith Posted by Hello

Oreo's are awesome and last week sucked

Oreo's are awesome. That is all.

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What a thing to post after my "I'm all gonna exercise regularly again" post... but seriously. Oreo's are, indeed, very awesome.

Ever have a week that you were just relieved it was over and you somehow survived? Yeah, me too. More often than I'd like. Last week was one of those. Sadly, this coming week has more crap for me to deal with so while I was glad last week ended I am hardly looking forward to this one.


Talk about depressing....

I have been hit by motivation. The realization that if you want something, you have to make it happen. This time around it's the get-healthy-work-out-and-lose-some-more-weight bug which means none other than needing some new stuff: shorts, shoes and sports bra. The first two are no problem, but that last one is what nightmares are made of.

Knowing full well that my drawer full of bras are totally worn out, worthless and no longer even fit me I had to take measurements of the girls. This is what gets me completely depressed. Sure, there are many women out there who pay big bucks for huge boobs. I, however, am not one of them. My girls are real and they have totally screwed up my back. I see a reduction in my future.... anyway - with measuring I was rather horrified to read the measurements. Typing the numbers into's site they to try a, size way bigger than I thought I'd need. It's gonna take more than luck to find a bra that doesn't kill my back, under arms or shoulders and actually holds the girls up.

Let's see.... now there's this one which ~ honestly now - is that gonna hold up with exercise? Yeah, I think not... but I am diggin' the price. Maybe for an every day type of deal? I don't know.

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Then there's the Enell - loved by Oprah and others priced at a not so kind $54. Cripes. I am obviously in the wrong business. They're going for less on eBay... but dern! $47 plus shipping. *gasp*

I am, basically, screwed. I have to cave and buy something that will work. I'm used to spending a crazy amount on a bra because even when I'm smaller, I'm not nearly small enough to buy anything in Victoria's Secret, which means I'm not small enough to buy any $10-$15 bra elsewhere. Le sigh.

Wish me luck. I'm going to have to hit the mall tomorrow to see what's local (which will be nothing I'm sure). That will bring on another wave of depression... but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do and what's the point in ordering something online if I'm not even sure it will fit. I'll at the very least make sure that I do, indeed, need a bra that big. Do they even call them bra's at that enormous size?!

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Are you going to hell? are you like Velma? or both?


This story of hell and Velma brought to you by my 7-year-old

Picked him up from school today and he starts off asking, "Mom. If you say hell, does that mean that you're going there?"

Me: "No. Why?"

He goes on to explain that he was told, by Christian and Drew (classmates) that if he said hell he would go there. So I give the whole - people believe different things and here's what your dad and I believe speech.

This evening we're all hanging out and I relay to my husband kiddo's and my conversation in the car. He smiled. Kiddo overheard us talking and piped in, completely serious with, "Yeah, it's like Christian thinks he's like Velma or something. He thinks he knows Velma."

We can't hold it in. This was too funny! My husband and I start laughing quietly... then can't hold back and really let it out.

It's bedtime, I fix kiddo's blankets for him and he says something to which I reply, "Yes, but I don't think I'm Velma - I know I'm Velma. I do know everything." He laughs and comes right back with, "No you're not; you don't know mysteries."

I heat up my husband's dinner and ask him if he's going to want Ranch to dip his grilled chicken breast pieces in. He looks perplexed. I say, "It's not a trick question." He replies, "Yes, it is. You're supposed to be like Velma!"

I've a feeling that this whole Velma thing will be around our home for awhile.

Monday, April 11, 2005

Finally! A fake Louis that isn't trying to fool anyone.

It's an epidemic. The fake Louis Vuitton purses, bags, key chains and wallets are everywhere. For those of us who can easily spot one - we know the knock offs have gotten out of hand. It's not that I own a real (or fake) Louis. Nope, sorry. If I even had that kind of cash, I most certainly would not waste it on a bag for heavens sake. I just had too much time on my hands one day and found this site which is highly informative.

Anyway, I have a hate-hate phony Louis thing happening. So today when I saw that finally, someone had come up with a knock off that was proud to be just that. A knock off that wasn't even attempting to fool anyone - I immediately loved the blatant honesty of it all. What a total riot and a half.

If you want to see more and or buy one of these in-your-face-fake Louis check it out!

Friday, April 08, 2005

I am so addicted to my Blog... plus crazy people that crack me up

Was I the only one who was unable to do jack where Blogger was concerned last night? I couldn't post any thing new, post or read comments. I was going a bit batty. How sad that I'm already this addicted... I wouldn't have been so bad except I desperately needed to get that story of the crazy Bank Day woman out of my mind and couldn't. *looks around*

Yeah. I'm fine.

Ok, so hilarious crazy people time. Have you heard of the Star Wars fans who are already lined up outside a theater waiting for the new Star Wars movie? You can read about the crazy people here.

Um, yeah.... so:

1. The movie doesn't open until May 19. That is more than a month away people. Do they not have jobs?! I only wish I could sit outside a theater for over a month. Not that I would, mind you. I'd do other things with my time. I just wish I could do it.

2. What really made me laugh... come to find out, the theater they were waiting at isn't even going to be showing the new Star Wars flick. Ha!

3. Wait for it.... it gets better... when they found out that the new Star Wars flick wouldn't be playing there, did they leave? Nope. They're determined to stay there. Now that is comedy people! Hilarious stuff!

I told my husband about this last night and his response was: "What state was this?" Me: "Um.... sadly dear it's our state, California." No shocker there, really. *snort*

Ok, the full truth is - the theater is Grauman’s famous Chinese Theater in Hollywood which is apparently (like I'd know this even though I'm a big geek myself) a huge Star Wars hang out for weeks prior to the movie releases. Apparently the previous movies premiered and showed there. Still, do you honestly assume something like that? Camp out in front of a building prior to verifying that the movie is even going to show there?

Dude, I guess I am just not a committed Star Wars fan. I would have been prior to the last two movies, but now... I am just not sure how I'll handle watching Hayden Christensen present the cheese in his voice... it grates on my nerves and makes me want to run away screaming. In Hayden's defense, I did see him in Life as a House and thought he was perfect in that role. But for Anakin? Just... no. What was George thinking?

Thursday, April 07, 2005

What is wrong with people?!

"Sell crazy some place else -- we're all stocked up here."

- Jack Nicholson, As Good As It Gets

Holy....... I'm so pissed. I know, it's nothing I should even let rent space in my head, so let me get it all out here and be done with it.

My kiddo's school, like many others, has Bank Day. Bank Day is sponsored by Washington Mutual Bank. It's just a fun way for kids to save up their money in an account, learn about buying, saving, spending all while earing a fun toy or item every week to every other week. It's free for the kids and the school. It's pretty cool. My kid likes it a lot.

Anyway, many weeks ago I get a call asking me if I'd be willing to help out because it was down to just one mom doing it and if she had to keep doing it alone she was going to stop altogether. Understandable, right? Absolutely. So I said, yes. (I'm learning to stop saying yes.... fairly quickly after this school year, too, lemme tell ya.... I'm room mom... a mistake I won't make again) Fine. So that next Friday morning I showed up at the school at 11 a.m. as I was told. I sat and I waited. And waited. And waited. The gals in the office said, "Oh yeah, she was all worried you wouldn't be here since she tried to call you and left messages and you hadn't called her back." All of that is, for a fact, a big, ugly, nasty lie. Had she called me, I would have known. She'd called me before so I know she doesn't block caller ID. I have caller ID, so I know who calls me and when. She hadn't left even one message on my machine. This really bugged me that she had said this crap, but whatever. Perhaps it was all just a misunderstanding. Stuff happens, right?

So I'm waiting and waiting.... finally at 11:30 a.m. the other gal shows up. Ok, whatever. Stuff happens. I've been late a few times in my life, too. We do Bank Day for the kids.... we're mostly just sitting on our asses for a few hours in the office. Boring stuff. There was maybe 5 minutes were, yes, it was nice that there were two of us -- otherwise, what was I doing there?!

The next week I'm sick. Very sick, actually. I've got a fever and everything. I hadn't really slept because of a cough that was keeping me up at night. So what? I can deal. I mean, it's for the kids, they love Bank Day - so I get up, I get ready. Then I get a call from the school's office -- NOT from the woman who does Bank Day -- telling me that the gal who does Bank Day called THEM and said she wasn't going to do it that day. Niiiiiiiiiice. Yes, I was pissed off. In a big way. I was sick, I got up to go when I could have been in bed sleeping which I really needed being sick and all. At this point I no longer feel like stuff happens and that I should just shrug it all off. I'm pretty pissed at how this woman handles things. Maybe it's me and I'm just too Type A -- but c'mon. Lets be considerate of other people's time. Show enough respect for them that you frickin' let them know if they don't need to show up for something.

So, the next two weeks I was unable to do Bank Day. I told her way ahead of time that I wouldn't be there as I had made previous commitments long before. The two weeks after that were Spring Break, so I had 4 weeks off. She never called me for that first Friday back at school (which would be a week ago -- April 1) so I didn't show up. Why should I? I'm sorry, but going to the school (which is not right down the street) is a big chunk of my time if I don't need to be there. She's upset apparently that I didn't show up. Um, ok. She then says that I should be there every week unless I hear otherwise. Ok. Fine.

Here's what takes the frick-frakin' cake people. I know, I know... let it out, get over it and move on...

I just now get an e-mail from my mother in law (she works in the school office) to tell me to tell my son that he doesn't need to bring any cash in tomorrow because there will be no Bank Day. Holy hell. Holy shit. I'm pissed. Ya wanna know why? Because I saw this woman TODAY at the school. Because when I saw her she was all, "Make sure you're there tomorrow. I won't be there, but two other moms will be." F-cktastic. So, had my MIL not been the kind of person she is and told me to let my kid know not to being money tomorrow -- I'd have freakin' showed up without a clue that there was no Bank Day.

That's it. I'm done. They can close down Bank Day at the school. I don't care. It's way too unorganized. It cuts into my time way too much just for nonsense. Taking up my time for the children? That's fine with me, but some crazy a$$ woman who should seek professional help? Just no. I would much rather go back to volunteering in my child's classroom one afternoon a week, ya know? At least his teacher isn't batty and I like seeing the kids learn and interact with each other.

I'm glad to be done with this woman. She makes me want to hurt myself to make it stop and that's never a good thing.

Whew. Ok, yeah, I feel better now.

* as the night wore on I got a couple more e-mails from my mother in law. Apparently, this woman does this with everyone, not just me. Hum.... maybe that's why she was working Bank Day by herself? Geez. Ya think?!

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Never a dull moment....

Kiddo did something to his leg a couple days ago. Yesterday morning I was ready to ship him off; he acted like he was dying from a pulled and or sore muscle. This morning, however - he cracked me up about said leg.

He got out of bed, came out and said, "Mom, my leg is going boom."

Me: "Huh?"

Him: "You know boom, like in and out."

Me: "Ohhhh, it's throbbing." *clenching and unclenching my fist to show him*

Him: "Yeah. But only when I walk."

Oh, good. So only when you walk. *eye roll* This kid!


That was this morning. This afternoon, I pick him up from school as usual and.....

One of the mom's says to me, "What happened?!"

Me: "What do you mean?"

Her: "XXXX said that there were police out here with guns out so they weren't allowed to get out of class."

Me: "What?! Wow, I hadn't heard anything."

We talk for a moment about how we saw a cop car over at the mini mart, parked outside with its flashers on. We didn't see a cop and didn't think much of it.

My mother in law happens to work in the school office, so I ask her about it... on our way from kiddo's classroom to the office one of kiddo's classmates yells out to him, "Xxxxxx! There were cops over at the Mini-Mart. They had guns out; a kid stole some stuff and they busted him!"

According to my mother in law.... the police (it's actually Military Police) were called because some kid grabbed something, said he had to go to the bathroom and instead bolted and jumped over the fence. The cops were out hiding, guns drawn, in the bushes and trees waiting to get him.

The school only found out about it why? Nope, not because the MP's called them to warn them. [This happened at 2:05 p.m., the school, which is maybe 100 feet from the Mini Mart, lets out at 2:15 p.m.], Nope, the police didn't call, but thankfully two parents saw what was going on and told them to be sure and not let any children out until it was over. Holy hell. Yes, I'm pissed! Not that the MP's were out with guns drawn. But because they didn't call the school to let them know to keep the kids inside and safe. The more I think about it the more pissed I become.

Oh, and you wanna know what's really rich? The MP's said the reason they didn't call the school to tell them was - get this - they didn't know the school was so close.* Um, HELLO! You can f---ing see the school from the stupid Mini Mart! Only probably a good 200+ children walk past the Mini Mart on their way home from school. Yeah, no biggie. *argh*

*deep breath*

not in their defense - but the MP's were from the Presidio (no, not the one in SF) while Kiddo's school is on a military housing development and not a military base. Still - they had to / should have known where exactly the school was. I'm sorry. There are 600 children at that school.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Rest easy world - I got my new lip glosses

The world can stop worrying because I made it to the Clinique counter and they finally had the new Colour Surge Impossibly Glossy lip glosses in. They're purdy! Since the Clinique GWP (gift with purchase) was still going on, I had to buy two.

Here are my pathetically thin lips modeling them. As you can see I bought Peach Goddess and Beach Bunny. Totally not feeling Beach Bunny as it just looks like clear sparkly gloss on my lips and I've got plenty of those. Peach Goddess however, it gow-geous, dah-ling. Loves it! They are way prettier in person. They have this shimmer and sparkle that is so fabulous. The sparkle is not over the top nor is it thirteen. Just pretty. Ahhhh... happiness.

For more pics and info: see my makeup only blog.

Monday, April 04, 2005

Scrappy, sweet baby Posted by Hello

Ninja doesn't like Cameron Posted by Hello

Bigger creep factor with the new poster for Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

As if the first poster wasn't enough... get a load of this one. Eeek! Sorry, but it just reminds me of something Michael Jackson would/should have -- only his would have the cute kids photos and a big red WARNING! across it. Ack!

Sunday, April 03, 2005

Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka ~ it's all kinds of creepy

You've seen the trailer, right? If not you must have at least seen this poster:

Tim Burton is doing a re-make of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. That poster really isn't that bad... but have you seen photos of Johnny as Mr. Wonka? Holy hell. It's creepy as anything I've ever seen. Honestly, he scares me. Hold me.

This last photo is enough to give me nightmares. Children, run! Run to your parents! Scary shiz-nit. Scary. And I adore Johnny. He's a doll. Wasn't a huge fan in his pretty boy days of 21 Jump Street. Heck, who am I trying to kid. He's still a pretty boy. But not here. Here he appears to be a frightening psychotic child killer..... *shudder*

Needless to say, I have zero intentions of seeing this movie. Now, Pirates of the Caribbean 2 and 3 - I'm there. All I can say is, the kid had better not wanna see Charlie or he's going to be sorely disappointed. Yipes!

Friday, April 01, 2005

Not a fan of April Fool's Day

Am I the only one who isn't crazy about April Fool's Day? Every year, April 1 rolls around and it's as if people believe it gives them a license to act annoying with zero consequence. Ugh.

That is rather hypocritical of me though because it's not that I don't personally enjoy getting one over on someone. I just don't feel we need a special day for it. Seriously - what's the fun in that? People knowing ahead of time that you're going to be messing with them. I screw with my husband's mind plenty. I don't wait for April 1.

My 7 year old seemed to believe he got me this morning. He came out of his room this morning, stared at me all weird like and with a perfectly straight face said, "Mom. There's a toy on your head." I look at him like he's insane because I know full well there is no toy on my head. I am not remembering it’s April 1; April Fool’s Day. I don't know what to say. I say nothing and just stare at him as if he is crazy. He repeats himself. “Mom. There’s a toy on your head.” We have our stare off for another minute. Finally he breaks down and yells, "April Fool!"

Yes, I count my blessings daily that he really is not a prankster. Yet.

The revenge of the Peeps

when peeps attack Posted by Hello

Ya see that? That is what happens when one ends up at the drugstore just days after Easter. When they have all their Easter merchandise on clearance and the kid is with you. You end up buying stuff that you wouldn't have – such as this Peep that's big enough to be creepy. The Plush Peep is a little scary. I admit I worry mostly because there may very well be a Peep conspiracy against me having called them Vile Bastards and all. I might be paranoid… however; they do say “just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t really after you”, right? So, there ya have it.

The kid thinks this Plush Peep beanie is fantastic. He plays catch with the Peep, carries the Peep around... he even started to call the Peep "Peep-y". My husband quickly put a stop to that by saying, "You're calling it pee-pee? No."

Here's a comparison shot of Plush Peep vs. Edible Marshmallow Peep. I can assure you that Marshmallow Peep was not harmed during the photo shoot. Sadly enough, however, Marshmallow Peep did meet a rather quick and I’m sure painful demise afterward. I'm not sure exactly what happened, but I did spot some pretty damming evidence on the kiddo's shirt and face. Yellow sugar crystals… hum…..

plush peep vs. marshmallow peep Posted by Hello